Brother Williams compared the road to an affair as a muddy riverbank. At first the steps towards infidelity don't cause an imminent problem but it's a slippery slope. It escalates until you are past the point where you are in control. We talked about affair prevention and it was very intriguing to me because that's something no one wants to have to go through. I'd like to know all I can about prevention before going into a marriage. We made a list of things that really to be avoided if one wants to stay as far away from an affair as possible. There were some that really stood out to me and seemed really wise. 1. It's important that we don't find ourselves thinking, "I wish he/she was more like..." This is destructive and the comparison will leave your spouse feeling inadequate and insecure and you feeling more and more dissatisfied. 2. Get rid of the "just friends" mentality with others of the opposite gender. The time for have opposite gender friends is past. Your spouse needs to become your best friend and the one person you completely confide in and turn to for comfort. 3. Stay away from the edge. Do not flirt with disaster. If it's at all possible, never be alone with someone of the opposite gender. You can never commit the act if you are never in the situation. Also, it will be hard to commit and unfaithful act unless your thoughts first are unfaithful. Keep your thoughts completely on your spouse. Don't look at anyone (real or fictional) the way you look at your spouse. 4. Avoid cleaving unto anyone except your spouse. Aside from the obvious opposite-gender friends, it would be wise to avoid being too close to same-gender friends and/or family. This doesn't need you need to become an island. Still socialize with family and friends but be a distinct couple. Don't let in too much influence from these sources. They are not the ones to turn to if you have a complaint about your spouse. 5. Pornography. This is pretty self explanatory. It's destructive and should be avoided in whatever way necessary. 6. Excessive social networking. Facebook and such things can be good but we say things to people we would never say if they were standing right in front of us. Avoid opposite gender friends even on the internet!
These are just a few of the things I thought were incredibly useful. One of the best examples I've found of all these things is my brother-in-law, Jade. He and my sister are so good about all these things. I've never met a straighter arrow than Jade but he still has Julie ask him every day if he saw (on purpose or accidentally) anything inappropriate. Knowing he will report to her reminds him that it is not only himself he is trying to please. He has a family who is counting on him. They don't even let questionable movies into their house. And they avoid opposite gender friends no matter what. It's not that they are rude or shun people. They are just so involved in their marriage and family that they don't leave time or space for unfaithful thoughts or potential situations. They are such a great example and are so happy that they lay waste to the idea that married people can't have fun or be as happy as single people. They are living proof that God has made marriage and family as the best way to achieve happiness. It is possible. But it does take work. There is no coasting.
This is a picture of my sister's great family. It was early in the morning and they all look a little groggy. But they are some of the best examples in my life.
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